Suzumiya Haruhi no Tsuisou - 62: Close Encounter of the Third Kind

[slave_of_suzumiya]

And here we go, making progress!

ハルヒ Haruhi: ............
Let’s explain. To an outsider, my current situation would look as if I’ve been grabbed by the collar by a female student wearing another school’s uniform and pushed up against the wall.
ハルヒ Haruhi: You’re Kyon, right... Explain this to me.
キョン Kyon: Explain what?

ハルヒ Haruhi: What’s your relation to John? His agent or something?
キョン Kyon: I thought I already told you I was him?
ハルヒ Haruhi: I’m tired of that stupid joke. Seriously, tell me.
At that moment my mind replayed a scene, the time and location, it was a scene of the two of us at the café by the station.
I’d gone to great effort to explain that Nagato was an alien, Asahina-san was a time traveller and Koizumi was an esper, and the old world’s Haruhi simply gave “Don’t screw with me!” as her response.
Indeed, despite her odd tendencies, there’s a point where ordinary common sense kicks in. To the point where she gets rock headed about it...

キョン Kyon: Guagh!!
And Haruhi literally hit me with that rock head of hers.
キョン Kyon: Oww! The hell was that!?
ハルヒ Haruhi: If you won’t talk, I’ll force it out. If you really are him, what’s up with that mail? Are you the one who sent it?


ハルヒ Haruhi: That’s not possible. I never told that idiot Taniguchi my email address, so there’s nowhere you could’ve gotten it from! Also, the really weird timing it was sent...
And then, Haruhi’s eyes suddenly had an unexpected gleam.

ハルヒ Haruhi: Of course, John must be close by!
キョン Kyon: Oh really, good for you. Before you continue on that, could you let go of my collar? I don’t want you tearing my shirt, and we’re already getting painful stares from people.
ハルヒ Haruhi: ...

And she finally let go of my shirt. Oh, and Koizumi was there the whole time too. He’d just been watching expressionlessly until now.
So, having changed to a calm expression, Haruhi opened her mouth.

ハルヒ Haruhi: Kyon, do you know why John sent this mail? Stick with you, is that all?
キョン Kyon: ... Dunno.

ハルヒ Haruhi: Right...
My heart ached a little. Even Haruhi has a few drops of pure emotions, I feel like I’m messing around with her.

ハルヒ Haruhi: Well then Kyon, you’re gonna help me out.
キョン Kyon: ... Huh? What do you mean “Well then”?

ハルヒ Haruhi: Since you’re spending the Culture Festival wandering aimlessly trying to pick up chicks, it’s obvious you’ve got nothing better to do.

ハルヒ Haruhi: On top of that, there’s that email I got. Clearly you’re meant to be the signal for something. I wonder why, I suppose you’re easy to move around.
キョン Kyon: Well sorry.

ハルヒ Haruhi: Don’t worry about that. Kyon, I’ve got a job for you. Searching for John Smith.
キョン Kyon: ... If I’m doing a job, am I getting paid?

ハルヒ Haruhi: Nope.
キョン Kyon: ... I thought as much.

ハルヒ Haruhi: Of course. Ah, I should introduce you, this is Koizumi-kun.

古泉 Koizumi: Hello, I’m Itsuki Koizumi.
キョン Kyon: Hello... Can I just call you Koizumi?

古泉 Koizumi: Yes, that’s fine.
If I had to add a “kun” to his name, it’d feel really weird and wrong.
ハルヒ Haruhi: What about me?

- Haruhi, right?
- Suzumiya, right?
> Haruhi Suzumiya, right?

キョン Kyon: Haruhi Suzumiya, right?

ハルヒ Haruhi: Do you seriously call other people by their full name?
キョン Kyon: Then just Haru... Uh, just Suzumiya?

ハルヒ Haruhi: ... Well, that’s fine then.

ハルヒ Haruhi: Anyway, let’s stop dragging our feet and find some info! Investigation involves legwork, as any good detective will tell you!

Without my consent, I’d been presented with a completely pointless mission, Haruhi had already rushed off and started interrogating our students.

古泉 Koizumi: ...
My eyes met with Koizumi, who had mostly been part of the scenery until now, and he simply gave me a sigh and an overly exaggerated gesture.
This clearly signifies that he’s quite used to this... Yare yare.